Stepmom gifts 21-year-old stepson family vacation with twin 3-year-olds, refuses to allow him to bring his girlfriend of 2 months: 'Parents usually have to bribe their older children to come on a trip like this'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 14, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Family vacations aren't always purely relaxing. If you've ever been on one, you know this. Family dynamics don't cease once you're on a beach, at a hotel, or at an Airbnb. Everyone continues to be themselves, so conflict is still bound to arise if it usually does anyway. This is especially true if young children are involved. Young children can make it very hard to relax. They don't stop needing your constant attention, care, and patience just because you're off of work. In fact, they might need even more attention because they're knocked out of their usual routine. 

All this to say, a family vacation, especially with twin toddlers, doesn't sound like something a 21-year-old with no kids would be psyched about going on. Especially if it was his Christmas present. That's the situation, though, that this family found themselves in when they sought advice from the greater community. 

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  • Commenters were torn on whether or not the 21-year-old in question's girlfriend should be allowed to go on their family vacation with them, even though she hadn't yet met the rest of the family. Some sided with the parents, understanding why you wouldn't want an effective stranger vacationing on your dime. And some sided with the adult children, wondering what kind of Christmas gift involves hanging out with twin toddlers. Read on for the details and see what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10454689536
    via Unsplash+ (Beytullah ÇİTLİK)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for not letting my step-son bring his girlfriend on vacation?

    As a little background...My husband M(45) and myself F(35) have been married for 7 years, and have twin 3 year olds and my husband has 2 older sons (22 and 21 years old). Instead of doing (large) Christmas gifts for my stepsons, we've been doing an "experience" or "trip" instead for about 3 years, which is something they verbalized to us they'd rather have instead of gifts.
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 03
    This year for Christmas we gifted them a trip, to a resort about 4 hours away from our home. This trip would be a family vacation, including 2 overnights. 22 year old stepson has a fiancé he's been with for nearly 4 years, so we've invited her on previous "gifted" trips and she's coming along this time too. 21 year old stepson has a
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 04
    new "girlfriend?" he wants to bring along. My husband has not met her, and I met her in passing one time when we happened to cross paths out at a restaurant. We figure they've maybe been dating/talking for a month or 2.
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 05
    My concerns are, we don't know her, especially with this being an overnight trip (with my 3 year olds). We will be staying in an airbnb, so not like we will have separate hotel rooms. The small children (twins, 3 years old) also have not met her, and with them
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 06
    being 3, it's not like they're always on their best behavior, likely adding stress to myself and my husband. I also, wasn't planning on getting her a Christmas gift (because I didn't even know she existed), and this trip is essentially a Christmas gift.
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 07
    Stepson (21) isn't happy we've told him no, and I'm a bit nervous he may either refuse to go (since she's not allowed) or be in a terrible mood the whole time. If he refuses to go, I do worry my husband will cave and let him bring "girlfriend" which will make the trip very uncomfortable for myself and likely my 3 year olds. Helppppp.
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 08
    Edit to add: my husband and I fund the trips 100%. This is something stepsons have asked for, year after year. Three year olds or not, we ask them every year, if they'd prefer something else, tangible or a trip/experience and we let them collectively decide their destination. We don't plan this
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 09
    without their input. THEY DO NOT BABYSIT! There has never been a time on a trip my husband or I have left them alone with our toddlers or expected them to babysit. They don't babysit when we aren't on vacation either, and if they did I would absolutely reimburse them for their time and hard work. Twin toddlers aren't easy, I'm very aware.
    via u/SetAccomplished1279
  • 10

    A few commenters sympathized with the stepmom's dilemma.

    Obiterdicta 13h ago . NTA It's perfectly reasonable to not want effectively a stranger along on a family trip.
    via u/0biterdicta
  • 11
    Up to you, but maybe consider letting him bring a long time friend instead? I imagine if his brother is hanging out with his fiancée, and you and your husband. are dealing with toddlers - the trip could be pretty boring for him.
    via u/0biterdicta
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    Cheezburger Image 10454691328
    via Hưng Nguyễn

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13

    While more commenters tried to see it from the boys' side.

    Both-Enthusiasm7... • 12h ago I'm gonna go against the grain and say YTA bc it is technically his Christmas gift so he shld be able to enjoy it. Once a gift is given u shldnt really put strings on it and if it's in an airbnb it's not like u will be paying a huge amt extra for her.
    via u/Both-Enthusiasm708
  • 14
    Also, idk what, but there is something off putting abt ur bio children's feelings being more important then ur stepson's when it involves. what is technically his Christmas gift, not a family vacation. Maybe rethinking the gifts and having them be actual experiences for the stepsons, and not family vacations wld be better for the future.
    via u/Both-Enthusiasm708
  • 15
    midcen-mod1018 13h ago • It's weird to gift them a family vacation. Obviously the kids. you have together with your husband will have a vacation and Christmas gifts, so it seems weird to lump the step kids gift into a family vacation. Most people I know would tell their adult kids,
    via u/midcen-mod1018
  • 16
    "Hey, we're coming on vacation, would you like to go too?" Not "Vacation with us and your half siblings is your Christmas gift." If you're going to gift them, give them a gift without the strings of a family vacation.
    via u/midcen-mod1018
  • 17
    no... 12h ago . Edited 12h ago Yeah, YTA. Is it really a gift for these adult men if you are making it a full family trip, toddlers included?
    via u/notbetterthanthat
  • 18
    If it's presented as a gift for them, I think you have to approach it differently and be open to significant others coming. If you just want to do a nice family vacay, that's different. But sounds like you are framing it differently to your stepsons.
    via u/notbetterthanthat
  • 19
    Also, I'd say most 21-22 year old men aren't going to be pumped about going on "vacation" with their stepmom and half siblings. that are toddlers. Sounds rough.
    via u/notbetterthanthat
  • 20
    Parents usually have to bribe their older children to come on a trip like this; the bribe often being: a free guest of their choice like a girlfriend. Let the girlfriend come. Also, definitely let her come if the fiance is coming. That's super for the 21 year old to have no one while the only person he had is going to be with his fiance. Let it go. It's about your stepsons, so make it about them or don't go.
    via u/notbetterthanthat
  • 21
    yeahipostedthat • 12h ago YTA. The trip is supposed to be a fun gift he enjoys right? He's at an age where hanging out with his 3 year old half siblings isn't exactly fun. Honestly the way you make such a show of the fact that
    via u/yeahipostedthat
  • 22
    you pay for it 100% (which duhhh its a gift) I feel like you're just cheaping out. Info: is the trip also your 3 year olds only gift?
    via u/yeahipostedthat
  • 23
    Sea_Communicati... • 12h ago So your stepson will essentially be the only adult without a significant other? That sounds miserable.
    via u/Sea_Communication821
  • 24
    Competitive-Week... 12h ago YTA- for giving your stepsons nothing because the "vacation" is clearly more for you, hubby and the twins than the stepkids. If it was for them then both girlfriends could go and you hubby and the twins would stay at home. And since it is their "gift" you shouldn't get to decide who goes with them.
    via u/Sea_Communication821

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stepmother aita gifts AITAH brother toddlers siblings stepmom reddit story family feud family sibling reddit thread Reddit adult children money family vacation vacation
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